The Beginning

And here I am, the day of the one-way plane ticket home. Wow two and a half years really flew by. For me, just another last page of a chapter in my book called “Life”.   Like every chapter in a book, this chapter has to be concluded in such a way that it should lead to suspense for what is to come in the chapters to follow. Herewith my attempt… This week has been an emotional rollercoaster for me. Firstly and most importantly, there is the incredible excitement of going back home.   The comforting fact is that I will be surrounded by the people that I love most and that I will be able to spend more time with them. I haven’t seen my dad for over a year. I simply cannot wait to jump on him as soon as I see him.

Then there is also the thrill of an unwritten future. Since coming here was a career move for me, I’m going to find it really interesting to see what I have learned and what I can apply – and the best place to see that is when you are outside of the environment in which you were taught.   It will be interesting and challenging indeed – but I’m ready. So bring it.

One thing that I do know for sure, is that I used to take so many things for granted back home. I used to never go home enough to visit my parents, and I most definitely did not appreciate our standard of living. I have also realized that as human beings, we don’t really need that much to survive. We definitely don’t need large lavishing homes and apartments, especially not when we can’t really afford it.   Thank you Manhattan living for teaching me this valuable lesson.

All we really need is memories with the people that we love.

And then the sad reality that I have now seen more of the United States than I have of our own country, South Africa. When was the last time I even went to the Drakensberg? If I was told that I could only take one thing home with me it will be my need for adventure. My need for exploring. My passion. That is the biggest gift New York has given me.

So this is where the rollercoaster of my emotions makes a hectic turn. The fact that I simply cannot accept that it is possible that some of the friends that I have met here and some friends that I’ve worked with every day, I will possibly never see again in my life. I am having the hardest time making peace with this thing called “life” and the fact that some people are meant to pass through your life for only a while, for only one chapter.   When I decided to do this, I never thought of how much it was going to hurt when I had to go home, although I always knew that this was just temporary.

Would I have done it any different? No, I wouldn’t have. Because I’m a changed person for this and because of the impact that other people has had on my life here. I know that sounds very cliché - but the little Tina who walked to work two years ago now thinks differently and goes about things differently than the one that did her last walk to work yesterday. In this insanely intense environment I have learned a few lessons the hard way. But I have also learned what living is all about.

And this place called New York City, am I going to miss it? Of course I am. I mean, how can I not? It is not called The City of Dreams for nothing. And it has exceeded my wildest expectations and dreams. Almost every single passion I have it has fulfilled. From dining, to shopping, to art, to culture, to scenery.   This place is addictive. And that is where it gets dangerous. It was never meant to be permanent, and always meant to be temporary. Because in this City of Dreams lacks my biggest passion of all – the people that are closest to me. Not being able to share this with them, makes it hard and drives a less meaningful life. I tried to prevent this – and therefore the photography hobby that this blog so clearly displays. I think I did well.

I am leaving completely content. I have done everything and way more than what I ever wanted to do. Every box has been ticked. Maybe a few restaurants still here and there, but that is expected in a City with more than 100,000 restaurants. I will come back for them.

So today I sit back in awe. What have I ever done to be this lucky?

I say that I have been lucky because I have a boyfriend back home who sent me here two and a half years ago with a really sad heart but a very big smile on his face. And not one day did he complain. Even when I was uncertain about my decisions and doubting myself, he was always the one who motivated me and supported me. Despite himself. For that, I owe him endlessly. And I am lucky to have the two most incredible parents. Pillars. And then I am lucky to have had a very special New York Family with whom I’ve shared most of my most precious memories – they know who they are.

In terms of my career goals, the reason I came, I have achieved much more than what I’ve aimed for at the beginning. I have been privileged to have learned from the very best about an industry that I knew nothing about when I got here. I got to work on the most incredible team (and incredible is an understatement).  And while we were working the toughest hours together, we became friends for life.

So yes, I have been lucky. But then again, some people say you create your own luck.

So to conclude my chapter, I would just say that this is not the end. This is only the beginning.

I cannot wait for that first “Dumela”, “Goeie More”, “Sawubona”.   Home. South Africa.

Love, Tina