Home is where the Heart is.

The time has come for me to say “Goodbye”.  Goodbye to the love of my life, goodbye to my family and goodbye to some of my friends.  I look back over the past two months and I can’t help to see the purpose of a planned study break that turned into a blessing. It turned into precious time spent with loved ones and a mind refresher as to why I will always return back to South Africa.  My country.

Something that I will however not talk about too much is how my time here has also confirmed with clarity that following my dreams is the best thing for me to do right now.  I know where I see myself in 10 years from today and I believe with hope that every single decision that I make will contribute to that “picture”.  Don’t get me wrong… people probably look at me and admire my courage.  But let me tell you, there is absolutely nothing easy about a decision to start over and to leave your loved ones behind.  There is nothing easy about packing up the little bit of things that you have left and moving to an environment where you know that you will be challenged.  You will suffer.  But more importantly – you will experience.  You will learn.  You will grow.  I’m very well aware of how tough the next few days will be and I’m prepared for many many “Tina tears” to flow.  But I look forward to walking down the streets of New York City – smiling and questioning why I was so sad in the first place.

After I was notified that the examination for my Masters degree was not going to happen as planned, the six-week “study break” quickly turned into something completely different.  It turned into me trying my ultimate best to see everyone that I hold dear.  But seeing friends and family was not my only mission:  I spent my time in Johannesburg doing all the things that I used to love.  These included going to the Baron in Sandton on a Friday evening to indulge in the famous Baron Platter and a few G&T’s, lunch at Tasha’s, Witwyn Sondag with my favorite crowd and date nights with Johnny. By the time I left Johannesburg I was healed.  It felt like I fitted three years of living in Sandton into only four days and going back to my old apartment wasn’t even emotional, but pure business.

In Cape Town I spent some extremely valuable time with my two favorites – the “koeksisters”.  I regard myself as being extremely privileged to have two younger sisters who I can look up to.  Two younger sisters that would do anything for me to just stay close to them, but who also believe in my dreams.  I couldn’t help to notice how both of them also passionately live out their dreams and aspirations.  I guess for that we have our parents to thank.  Actually now that I think of it, being “unemployed” and living with my parents is not a bad thing at all. There is something too special for words about this place – this place called home.  My mother’s daily dosage of love through a cup of tea and a piece of cake or sitting on the back of the Toyota with my dad in the middle of the veld – these are moments that will always stay with me.

I’ve seen the South African sunset from three different places: between the traffic on the M1 in Johannesburg, behind the buffalo on the farm in the Free State and from the 12 Apostles Hotel in Camps Bay.  Each time it gives you the same warm South African feeling.  But next week it will also the same sun setting behind the skyscrapers in New York and I’m excited to look at it through different eyes.

For me there is only one song that can really describe what I feel like at the moment, in a weird, deep kind of way.  Florence and the Machine sings a song named “Never Let Me Go” and the lyrics go something like this:

And the arms of the ocean are carrying me,

And all this devotion was rushing out of me,

And the crashes are heaven, for a sinner like me,

The arms of the ocean deliver me.

Never let me go….

For now after all of this there is only one thing left to do, and that is to be excited.  To be excited for the new experience ahead and to live my life with extreme passion!  For we have only one life and only one chance to do all the things that we’ve always wanted to do.